The House We Called Home Page 28

  At the end of the first length she came into the turn all over the place. Her dad ahead and gone. She imagined Pete, fag on the go, heaving himself up from his chair to bellow, ‘Stop thinking! Just get on with it, you stupid girl.’ And she tensed again. Then as she turned she glimpsed Jack. The bubbles off her dad’s kicks rippled her water. She looked to the side when she shouldn’t have done and saw Rosie and Sonny waving their arms. ‘Go Mum!’

  Imaginary Pete hollered, ‘For crying out loud, don’t get distracted!’ Her brain shouted, ‘Piss off, Pete,’ and he disappeared, poof. And Stella smiled underwater. Her muscles screaming while bubbles of air rose as she laughed. ‘It’s always better to laugh in situations like this,’ Mitch had said – maybe he was a bona fide guru.

  ‘You really do have to stop thinking, Stella,’ she warned herself, her dad slipping further and further away. And so she concentrated only on the twitching smile on her lips. Focused. The pain starting to energise, the thrill starting to spur her on and suddenly the adrenaline kicked in. She hit her stride. The red shorts got closer. He was getting tired. There was a tiny inkling of a chance she might be able to take this. But she no longer cared about the outcome. She didn’t need his approval or his forgiveness. She needed her own, and that would come from giving it everything she had. Knowing she could have done no better. All the while grinning as her lungs threatened to explode. She felt like a fish having the time of its life. This was her, racing for herself. Fast, graceful, happy. Then it was done. Two lengths. Over.

  He won. She was close. Gasping to catch her breath.

  Her dad slicked his hair back. ‘Not bad,’ he said.

  Stella was panting, holding onto the side. ‘Quite good actually, I thought,’ she said, looking him square in the eye. Then with a wink and a smile she hauled herself out of the pool.

  CHAPTER 39

  Amy had made it look like she was going after Gus but instead she skulked around on the corner, moping, kicking fallen bougainvillea leaves with her flip-flops, waiting for them all to finish what they were doing so she could position herself, leaning up against the car, all hard done by and misunderstood.

  So when she glanced round the corner and saw Gus walking back in her direction, she found herself in a half-crouch by the wall trying to work out which way she could dart.

  ‘I saw you,’ he shouted.

  ‘Shit.’ She peered back round the brick wall of the house on the corner, bougainvillea like a curtain around her.

  Gus approached. ‘What are you doing?’ he asked, lips in a permanent sneer.

  ‘Nothing,’ she said.

  ‘Why aren’t you with the others?’

  ‘No reason.’

  He made a face like he couldn’t be bothered with her and carried on past in the direction of the car.

  ‘I don’t know why you’re annoyed with me,’ she called out.

  ‘Yes you do,’ he said without looking round.

  Amy stared down at the kerb. At the little pink bougainvillea cups that had scattered to the floor in the breeze.

  Gus stopped and turned, doubling back so he was a metre or two away from her. ‘You can’t be so stupid that you don’t know why,’ he said, as if he was on the cusp of actually wondering whether she was.

  Amy swallowed. She didn’t look up.

  ‘That was pathetic, that little show back there with your dad. And what? Because I wouldn’t kiss you last night?’

  ‘Shut up,’ she muttered.

  ‘You’re pathetic, Amy.’ Gus stood where he was. ‘You said you were going to try and the first thing that doesn’t go your way, you run back to your dad. What are you playing at anyway? You didn’t actually want me to kiss you.’

  ‘Yes I did.’

  ‘Why?’ He raked his hair back, dumbfounded. ‘You don’t want me. This’ —he pointed between the two of them— ‘is incompatible.’

  ‘I know,’ she said.

  ‘Then what’s the matter?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she shouted, looking up, trying not to cry. She’d wanted him to kiss her last night, now in the light of day she wasn’t so sure. She had seen the look of uncertainty on her dad’s face when he’d seen Gus – even before the baby revelation – he’d never looked at Bobby like that. Gus was right, they were completely incompatible, she didn’t know what she’d been thinking – clutching on to some sort of comfort and stability amidst all this change. And then her pride had been hurt and she’d flipped. ‘I’m pathetic,’ she said, covering her face. ‘I know I’m pathetic.’

  Gus stayed where he was. ‘Are you crying?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I think you are.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  Amy sniffed. Then she had to take her hands away from her face to do something about the snot and the tears. She searched around in the pockets of her skirt for a tissue. Gus reached over and handed her a clean one.

  ‘I think I should be the one crying,’ he said.

  Amy laughed through the tears and it came out as a little snort. She wiped her face with the tissue. ‘You made me snort.’

  Gus shrugged.

  Tiny dots of sunshine like stardust flickered through the trees.

  ‘Why are you crying, Amy?’

  ‘Because I feel bad. Because I know we’re incompatible but I got scared, I suppose, of what’s to come. I get scared of doing it on my own and I know it’s stupid but I can’t help it.’

  ‘I don’t think you’re stupid. I shouldn’t have said that.’

  He moved to lean against the wall. She leant next to him.

  ‘Aren’t you scared of anything? Of being lonely?’ she asked.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Not at all?’

  Gus thought about it. ‘No. But it has been nice, this.’ He gestured towards the big black SUV at the end of the road. ‘I’ve enjoyed being with everyone more than I thought.’ He glanced at her. ‘I’ve quite enjoyed being with you. When you aren’t like this, though.’

  Amy stuffed the tissue back in her pocket. ‘I’ve enjoyed being with you,’ she said, glancing up and across at him. ‘I think that’s the problem.’

  ‘Liking being with me is a problem? That doesn’t sound good.’

  ‘No.’ Amy shook her head. ‘I like who I am around you. You make me try harder. You push me. And I need that. I really am not stupid, I know what I get away with,’ she added, tugging at one of the bougainvillea flowers spilling over the wall.

  Gus gave her a wry look. ‘I knew it was all an act.’

  ‘It’s not an act,’ she said, plucking at the hot pink leaves. Then she paused. ‘Maybe it was an act, I don’t know. It didn’t feel like an act until I met you.’

  ‘I don’t see what the problem is.’ Gus shrugged. ‘This all sounds very good to me. I sound like a hero.’

  Amy thwacked him on the arm. ‘You’re not a hero.’

  ‘I am a hero.’ Gus pointed to himself. ‘A hipster hero.’

  Amy rolled her eyes. Then she chucked the flower on the floor. ‘And what’s going to happen when you go off with your new hipster girlfriend and be all cool and funny together in your horn-rimmed glasses – you’ll forget about me and the baby.’

  ‘No I won’t.’ Gus kicked the wall.

  ‘She’s not going to like me.’

  ‘Who? My mythical hipster girlfriend?’

  ‘Yeah. She’ll wear dresses from charity shops.’

  It was Gus’s turn to snort.

  Amy smiled.

  ‘Well, what about you when you’re off with your new beefcake? You won’t want me and my desperate wisecracks hanging around.’

  ‘I’m not going to go off with a beefcake.’ Amy sighed. ‘I’m going to have a baby to look after.’

  Gus rolled his head along the wall to glance at her. ‘Oh, I reckon you’ll find yourself a beefcake. Some topless hunk to cradle the baby against his bare chest.’

  Amy giggled.

  ‘See, you like it already.’

  She smiled
. Then she sighed. ‘Our dinner parties together will be really stilted.’

  ‘Dinner parties?’ Gus looked horrified. ‘Do people still have dinner parties?’

  ‘You know what I mean.’

  ‘I’m not sure I do,’ he said. Then when she gave him a look, he nodded. ‘I know what you mean.’

  They both kicked the wall.

  Gus looked up at the bright blue sky then after a second gave Amy a bash on the arm. ‘Well, how about we have designated together-time? What would you think about that?’

  Amy pushed herself off the wall so she was facing him. ‘What like every Saturday?’

  ‘Well, that’s a bit keen, but yeah OK.’

  ‘What were you thinking?’

  ‘I was more like one Saturday a month but no, I’m game. Every Saturday.’

  ‘Or maybe every Sunday might be more practical. People don’t do things on Sundays.’

  Gus tipped his head in agreement. ‘Every Sunday it is. You, me, and Apple.’

  ‘He’s not going to be called Apple.’

  ‘You, me, and Orange.’

  Amy laughed.

  ‘So, does that make you feel better?’ Gus asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘No need for any kissing?’

  She shook her head. ‘No need for any kissing.’

  CHAPTER 40

  Stella came back out into the garden after getting changed. The kids were still splashing about at the edge of the pool. Sonny shouted, ‘Hey Mum, do you wanna race me?’

  Stella shook her head. ‘No thanks, I’m exhausted.’

  Moira was taking a tour of the garden with one of the women who’d been having breakfast when they arrived, nodding profusely as various plants were pointed out to her and described in Portuguese. ‘Lovely, just lovely,’ she kept saying.

  Stella watched with a smirk, knowing her mother didn’t have the faintest idea what was being said.

  Her dad appeared next to her, freshly showered and back in his sweat shorts and T-shirt. ‘Here,’ he said, handing Stella a bottle of water from the vending machine, ‘I got you one.’ His own bottle in his other hand.

  Stella paused, staring at the bottle for a second before taking it from him. ‘Thanks,’ she said.

  He shrugged like it was nothing. But to Stella it felt like the closest she would get to his apology.

  Then Sonny and Rosie called him over to show him some game they were playing flicking water. Stella watched, sipping her water, feeling as though for the first time in years she was finally allowed to relax. Her frown had lessened. Her baseline was happier.

  Jack came over and put his arm around her. ‘Are you OK?’

  She didn’t even need to think about it. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’m OK.’

  Jack nodded. His eyes smiling. She realised how much calmer his face looked, too. All this lessening of tension was working wonders for their wrinkles.

  Amy appeared at the gate. ‘What’s everyone doing now?’ she called, walking in Stella’s direction.

  ‘I don’t know.’ Stella shook her head, watching as Gus ambled a little slower behind Amy, eyes wary as he looked across at their dad.

  ‘Well, maybe we should all go back to the camp site?’ Amy said. ‘Dad, do you want to come back to our camp site? There’s a nice beach, and I think I saw something on a flyer about a full-moon party.’

  Her dad looked dubious.

  ‘It’ll be fun.’ Amy trotted over to him adding in a whisper, ‘And you have to be nice to Gus, OK?’

  Graham nodded, slightly bamboozled.

  Moira was watching, hands on her hips.

  He turned to her for clarification. ‘Would you be all right with that?’ he asked.

  Moira shrugged. ‘Nothing to do with me. I have yoga anyway.’

  ‘Come on, Grandpa, you have to come!’ Sonny said, bashing him with his shoulder.

  Graham put his hand on Sonny’s head. ‘OK then.’

  Sonny whooped.

  Amy linked arms with her dad. They started to walk together, closer to Gus who was standing with his hands in his pockets.

  Graham looked him up and down. ‘So Gus, what is it that you do?’

  Gus swallowed. ‘I, er, work for the Ministry of Defence.’

  Amy frowned. ‘No you don’t, you said you work in computers.’

  Gus said, ‘I work in computers for the Ministry of Defence.’

  ‘Do you now?’ Graham said, impressed.

  ‘You’re lying,’ Amy said. ‘What do you do for them?’

  ‘I’m not actually at liberty to say,’ Gus said, eyes starting to smile.

  ‘I always quite fancied the military myself,’ said Graham, ‘if the swimming hadn’t worked out.’

  Moira laughed out loud. ‘Since when?’

  Graham blustered a vague response, then marched on ahead firing questions at Gus to distract from Moira’s sniggers.

  Amy hung back, falling into step with Stella and her mum.

  ‘Am I allowed to ask if you two made up?’ Moira asked.

  ‘Yes you are,’ Amy replied. ‘And yes we did, thank you.’

  ‘Good.’ Moira nodded.

  Ahead of them Jack beeped the car open and the kids climbed in. ‘Do you want to sit in the back with us, Grandpa?’ Sonny asked.

  ‘No, I think I’ll take my car,’ he said, pointing to the snazzy red sports car parked in front of them. ‘Gus, would you like to drive with me?’

  Amy nudged Stella with a grin, both of them holding in smiles as they watched Gus roll his shoulders and stammer slightly as he said, ‘Yes, absolutely, sir.’

  ‘You don’t have to call him sir,’ Amy called over.

  ‘He can call me sir if he likes,’ Graham said, beeping the locks of the flashy rental.

  Gus looked back, a plea for rescue in his eyes.

  Amy just waved. ‘Have fun.’

  Stella shook her head. ‘You’re so mean.’

  Moira watched a little worried. ‘I hope he’s OK.’

  ‘He’ll be fine,’ said Amy. ‘He’s the one always going on about how charming he is.’ Then she paused. ‘Stella, did you know that Mum doesn’t like any of her Emma Bridgewater china?’

  ‘No?’ Stella gasped.

  Moira did a big sigh. ‘Oh, I knew this would come up again. I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I just—’

  Amy giggled. ‘Mum, we don’t care if you don’t like it. We’re just winding you up. It’s only mugs! Just tell us next time.’ She fluffed up her hair with a grin. ‘Sorry about yesterday by the way. I know you’re a person and all that,’ she added before hopping in the car.

  Stella stood next to her mum. ‘God, if only every apology was as easy as that.’

  Moira laughed.

  Her dad’s red sports car zoomed off.

  ‘He does love you, you know,’ her mum said.

  Stella shrugged as if who knew.

  ‘He does.’ Her mum nodded, then she looked across at Stella. ‘You did very well today. What you said. I felt dreadful hearing it all but it needed to be said.’ She paused. Amy tapped on the window of the car to hurry them up. Moira said, ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Stella.’

  Stella swallowed. ‘I’m sorry for how often we cut you out.’

  Moira looked surprised. ‘You didn’t—’ Then she paused, as if allowing herself to acknowledge that they did. ‘Well, it’s all water under the bridge now, isn’t it?’

  Amy tapped on the window again.

  Moira hesitated for a moment, then she reached across and squeezed Stella into a hug. Stella almost pulled back with shock but Moira was clutching her too tight, enveloping her in a cloud of red hair and Estée Lauder. ‘Oh, you were wonderful today. So wonderful,’ she said.

  Amy was at the window all wide-eyed at the fact they were hugging.

  Moira stepped back, holding Stella by the shoulders. ‘I almost jumped in the pool and held him back but I thought you might get cross that it wasn’t a fair race.’

  S
tella laughed.

  ‘It was all very dramatic wasn’t it? I think we did well.’

  ‘I think we did well, too.’ Stella nodded.

  Her mum smiled, then she pulled open the car door and said, ‘Let’s get going. I could murder a G&T.’

  CHAPTER 41

  The rest of the day was spent at the wild sparse camp site beach. Gus’s relief was palpable when they’d arrived back at the car park and Rosie had yanked him to join her to build a whole village of sandcastles. Jack and Sonny messed around on some new-fangled skimboard bought at the supermarket, throwing it in the surf and jumping on, and while presumably they were meant to glide along the shallow water both kept falling off. Amy had taken Graham for a tour of the camp site, while Stella and Moira had a drink in the beach bar.

  ‘This is nice, isn’t it, darling?’ Moira said, turning to look at Stella. The sea breeze buffeting the awning. The heavy warm air and the energy of the morning making them sit languid and relaxed. ‘I’m not sure we’ve ever had a drink before.’

  ‘No, I don’t think we have.’ Stella shook her head, lifting her drink to take a slow sip.

  Moira looked at her watch. ‘I should be going to yoga.’

  At the mention of yoga Stella frowned. ‘Mum?’

  ‘Yes, Stella.’ Moira drained the dregs of her G&T.

  ‘What are you going to do about Mitch? Don’t you think it’ll be a bit awkward with him and Dad if they bump into each other?’

  ‘Mitch has gone, darling. Left this morning. He’s heading to another retreat just north of Lisbon,’ Moira said. ‘I’m going to join him on the way home, but not for long, I want to get back for the dog.’

  ‘Oh right,’ Stella said, surprised. She swirled the remains of her drink in her glass. ‘Mum?’ she asked hesitantly.

  ‘Yes, Stella.’

  ‘Are you and Mitch in a relationship?’

  ‘Why are you girls so keen to label everything?’ Moira frowned. She ran her finger round the rim of her empty glass. ‘Let’s just say, I’m keeping him on his toes. Something I never did with your father,’ she added with an insouciant little smile.

  Stella rolled her eyes. Then as she finished her drink said, ‘Do you want another one?’ pointing towards Moira’s empty glass.